In her book, Cain writes:
The highly sensitive [introverted]
tend to be philosophical or spiritual in their orientation, rather than
materialistic or hedonistic. They dislike small talk. They often describe
themselves as creative or intuitive. They dream vividly, and can often recall
their dreams the next day. They love music, nature, art, physical beauty. They
feel exceptionally strong emotions--sometimes acute bouts of joy, but also
sorrow, melancholy, and fear. Highly sensitive people also process information
about their environments--both physical and emotional--unusually deeply. They
tend to notice subtleties that others miss--another person's shift in mood,
say, or a lightbulb burning a touch too brightly.
When I read this, I got shivers down my spine because in describing introverts in general, Cain happened to be describing me in a nutshell, an INFJ through and through. In a culture where extroverts are the cool kids, there have always a negative stigma associated with introverts. Even merely making the admission that you were introvert was analogous to declaring that you were an awkward freak who hates people. What is groundbreaking about Quiet is that it dispels the myth surrounding the introverted personality type, that introverts actually possess attributes that make them valuable team players in the workplace; thoughtful and caring partners and friends; and focused, creative innovators.
While introverts prefer one-on-one interaction to socializing
in big groups, Cain writes that many introverts can “pretend extroversion” when
they need to, something that I find myself doing in certain social and work
situations where a more outgoing persona of me is demanded. While being extroverted is admittedly out of my
comfort zone, in order to be successful in different arenas in life "pretending extroversion"
is something I have accepted I need to do.
Apparently, though, this is something that is challenging for
introverts, Cain says, especially because many have an inherent, almost ethical
need to “be themselves” in all situations.
I agree with this assertion, for it was only until I realized that tapping into the sometimes silly, free-spirited side that I exhibit with those who know me well made it feel more genuine to display a more outgoing version of myself when I’m out and about and in a situation where I need to play the cool
kid. Probably one of the best pieces of
advice in learning how to open up in groups is these words from my husband: “Just
be yourself and they’ll love you.” While
really such basic words of advice, for an introvert this is not always second
nature, which is why I continue to consciously refer to it whenever I need to
push myself out of my natural comfort zone.
Quiet discussed not
only the distinctions between introverts and extroverts and the varying
strengths and weaknesses between both types, but also analyzed studies relating
to introversion, in particular, such as common physical traits of introverts
and how in Asian cultures introversion is actually prized more than
extroversion. Interestingly, according
to one study, men are actually more attracted to introverted women, who
statistically are fair-haired and blue-eyed, because they are more sensitive
and maternal, which makes them perceptibly better mates for men. (Hey, what are you gonna do?) Perhaps more important, though, was the
book’s overarching theme in rebuking the notion “of introversion as something
that needs to be cured” and that “[the] trick for introverts is to honor their
own styles instead of allowing themselves to be swept up by prevailing norms.”
Major lesson learned from this book? If you happen to be an introvert, be “in” and
proud!
